NCAA revealed to be a no-brainer

This one's a no-brainer: The NCAA has lost whatever it had left of its sanity, its integrity and our respect.

A new rule that would bar sports teams with "hostile" and "abusive" nicknames (or at the least terms that embarrass those in politically correct circles) from playoffs is the summit of madness and illogic (at least when speaking of collegiate sports).

CBS Sportsline reported:

Starting in February, any school with a nickname or logo considered racially or ethnically "hostile" or "abusive" by the NCAA would be prohibited from using them in postseason events. Mascots will not be allowed to perform at tournament games, and band members and cheerleaders will also be barred from using American Indians on their uniforms beginning in 2008.
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While NCAA officials admit they still can't force schools to change nicknames or logos, they are making a statement they believe is long overdue. Eighteen mascots, including Florida State's Seminole and Illinois' Illini, were on the list of offenders.

But some names don't seem to bother the NCAA executive committee:

President Myles Brand noted that some schools using the Warrior nickname will not face sanctions because they do not use Indian symbols. One school, North Carolina-Pembroke -- which uses the nickname Braves -- will also be exempted because Brand said the school has historically had a high percentage of students, more than 20 percent, who are American Indians.

"We believe hostile or abusive nicknames are troubling to us and it can't continue," committee chairman Walter Harrison said. "We're trying to send a message, very strongly, saying that these mascots are not appropriate for NCAA championships."

Instead there are bowl games, privately sponsored events, at least officially. But the truth is that it will affect football soon enough, since most colleges compete in both sports.The action does not affect NCAA football because there is no established playoff system.

This is a can of worms, the contents of which will only get smellier and more ridiculous as various PC pressure groups pile on. PETA will want to ban nicknames which abuse and offer hostility to animals. Thus say goodbye to Texas Longhorns, K-State Wildcats, Missouri Tigers, Colorado Buffalo, and a host of others. (We use Big 12 references because at least we know Big 12 team names). But it won't stop there. Any association with those who break the law or condone lawbreaking will be next. Thus Outlaws, Renegades, Pirates, Buccaneers, etc., will soon be blacklisted. This would include the Oklahoma Sooners. Why? Because the Sooners were those enthusiastic settlers who established their farms just a wee bit ahead of schedule, sneaking over from Kansas or Texas before the start of the land runs. In other words, cheaters. We love our infamous forebears here in the land of the red man. Oh, damn, we're in big, big trouble. That's what Oklahoma means in at least one Indian (excuse the hell out of us, native American) dialect.

Guess we should rename the entire state too. Call it the State of Heartland, and rename the Sooners something less colorful, like "Law-Abiders." No more the Oklahoma Sooners. Call 'em the Heartland Law-Abiders. And how about up the road in Stillwater, Heartland? Can't have the Cowboys. Sorry! Those mean ol' cowpokes PUNCHED the longhorns back in the evil old, politically incorrect frontier days. That's hostile and abusive! Let's rename the OSU team the Heartland State University Veterinarians.

Iowa State should change its name too. The state itself gets a pass because although it's an Indian name it simply means "This is the place" or "This is a Beautiful Place." Not too much to get excited about there. But Cyclones? What an awful image! To too many young children in Tornado Alley the term cyclone is synonymous with twisters, alerts, and terrifying mad dashes into smelly, dank and dangerous cellars full of old jars of green beans and corn. How could a major university be so thoughtless as to abuse the little psyches of children with such hostile imagery!

Nebraska doesn't get away clean. Nebraska is an Oto (an Indian tribe) word that means "flat water" and is a reference to the Platte river and really means "broad river." This may or may not relate to "broad" as in a derogatory term for a woman, but in 21st Century America you cannot take chances. And Cornhusker? Obviously not what it would seem. Its bound to be some hostile and abusive Freudian reference to what some men would try with the aforementioned broads in the river. Nope. Nebraska Cornhuskers has got to go. But it's not my state, so let 'em come up with their own PC substitute.

CONCLUSION? Road trip! The entire NCAA executive committee needs to crowd into a big ol' Winnebago (ignoring the name, of course), stop just long enough for beer and chips, and spend the entire fall visiting with the people in the parking lots of stadiums all across the land, asking them for their opinion on the NCAA and PC nicknames, and maybe, just maybe, they'll get a true education called Real World 1001.

Meanwhile we recommend that the 18 on the black list of offenders go on the WARPATH, hire attorneys and SCALP the NCAA in the courts. The rest of the teams should, in solidarity against insanity, hold a POW WOW and vote to boycott the NCAA basketball tournament next spring. Yeah, it's a lot of lost WAMPUM but some things are more important than money. It's time to put the TOMAHAWK to the sensitivity police who are not so slowly but surely stripping our culture of its history and traditions.

DISCLOSURES -- The Oklahomilist's pedigree includes Cherokee and Osage bloodlines, and Mrs. Oklahomilist is a card-carrying member of the Cherokee tribe. We are proud of our heritage but are not terribly disappointed that we live in a world with central heat and air, convenience stores, internal combustion and personal computing.