Paper money unfair to blind - and everyone else!

A federal judge says the paper currency of the United States must be changed because blind people can't tell the difference between a $1 bill and a $100 bill. Thus the government is guilty of perpetrating another unholy evil.

U.S. Dist. Judge James Robertson of Washington, D.C. (a Clinton-appointee in 1994, naturally) isn't tell the government how to "fix" the money so that it can pass his scrutiny. He's just telling them to get after it. In his ruling he cited the absolutely irrelevant fact that of the 180 countries that issue paper currency, the U.S. is the only one that prints all denominations in the same size and color.

Egads! Alert the U.N. Security Council. We are insufficiently globalized! Or to put it more to the point: Since when did the United States ever feel it necessary to do all things exactly like the rest of the freakin' world? Have you ever taken a close look at some of the currency other countries force you to use when you visit?

What we'd like to know is which countries issue paper currency that blind people can automatically read? C'mon! Educate us! Put up or shut up.

While the judge isn't giving "how to" advice,

The American Council of the Blind has proposed several options, including printing bills of differing sizes, adding embossed dots or foil to the paper or using raised ink.

Uncle Sam, which has been printing greenbacks for some time now, takes a dim view of the ruling:

Government attorneys argued that forcing the Treasury Department to change the size of the bills or add texture would make it harder to prevent counterfeiting. Robertson was not swayed.

Of course not.

He said the government was violating the Rehabilitation Act, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability in government programs. The opinion came after a four-year legal fight.

Must we change the currency?

Electronic devices are available to help blind people differentiate between bills, but many complain that they are slow, expensive and unreliable. Visually impaired shoppers frequently rely on store clerks to help them.

"It's just frankly unfair that blind people should have to rely on the good faith of people they have never met in knowing whether they've been given the correct change," said Jeffrey A. Lovitky, attorney for the plaintiffs in the lawsuit.

Of course.

We have a suggestion. Implant voice chips into all currency - damn the cost! - so that when you rub your finger over the head of the enshrined notable, the bill hollers out: "I'm George Washington, printed 2007, your $1 man!" or "I'm Andy Jackson, printed 2008, and you've got your hands on a terrific twenty!"

Instantly it would increase the value of our currency, if for no other reason than the bills could be given to small children as Christmas and birthday presents, and they would become collectors' items.

Sadly, store clerks with no morals could still swap out the good cash for worthless candy bar wrappers on which they've black-market voice-chip knock-offs. You just can't trust anyone these days.

But there's a larger issue involved. Paper money isn't just unfair to the blind. It's unfair to everyone. Not backed by anything other than the "good faith and trust" of the bearer in the ability of the United States to maintain the value of its currency - a fancy way of saying that the value is whatever the world market thinks it is - the dollar has been losing value constantly since the Federal Reserve system went into operation in 1915. In the past 10 years it has lost nearly 40% of the value it had in 1996.

This tendency of the greenback to lose value is unfair. Did Judge Robertson address this issue? Nooooooooooooo!!! So things are just gonna keep costing more and more dollars to buy, because China's getting tired of warehousing our currency and may just do something about it.

So our newly redesigned dollars may not be worth much in the near future, but by gosh they will be readable by everyone!

-----
A Final Note: Judge Robertson is the same federal judge who initially ruled that an enemy combatant held at Gitmo was entitled to the same Constitutional rights as one of our own soldiers. He's also the same James Robertson, federal judge, who quit the FISA court in a public temper tantrum to draw attention to aspects of the warrantless "spying" program on electronic intercepts.

Bottom Line? He's gone from subverting the administration's war effort to subverting the currency of the United States.

With friends like these ...