What Not to Call Swine Flu?

Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano and Ag Secretary Tom Vilsack today insisted that reporters not call the disease of the day "swine flu" out of deference to pig farmers.

You gotta be freakin' kidding!

"This is not a food-borne illness, virus. It is not correct to refer to it as swine flu because really that's not what this is about," Vilsack said. Israel has already rejected the name swine flu, and opted to call it "Mexico flu." Jewish dietary laws forbid eating pork.

The Paris-based World Organization for Animal Health also objected to the name, saying the virus contains avian and human components and no pig so far has been found ill with the disease. And there is growing sentiment in the farm sector to call it the North American virus -- although disease expert Anthony Fauci told a Senate hearing the "swine flu" designation reflected scientific naming protocol.

Since the virus has snippets of avian (bird) and human flu strains, maybe we should just concoct a new name for it. Using the Anagram finder, I came up with

AMBUSH REWIND

and all I had to do was lose a couple of letters. We could call it the "Ambush Rewind" virus. A little bird, a little swine, a bit of human.

Then maybe we won't offend anyone. That seems to be the highest protocol of our new Dept. of Homeland Security.

Can we have the grown-ups back, please?

A Side Note:

I liked, but rejected, "Barn Undies Whim" as it sounded like something that might be fun to catch. Similarly the phrase "Bra Nudism Whine" virus seems a bit on the risque side. On the other hand, "Unwashed Rim Bin" seemed like a potential keeper.

Final Side Note:

Only a complete dim-wit, or a Russian bureaucrat, would actually believe that eating pork could give you the flu.