In "Praise" of Regret

I have quite deep conversations with friends of mine quite often. Although they are two subjects that folks say to stay away from at parties, my close friends and I willingly wade through the murky waters of politics and religion over a pint or a bag of Ruffles and ranch.

Sometimes these conversations get rather personal, and they turn into what may seem like a confession time for both parties. One thing that many of my good friends say though, after a litany of confessions a la St. Augustine, is something to the effect of, "Even though my past is a little rocky, and I have struggled with this temptation or that sin, I regret nothing, because those experiences have made me who I am today."

That always bugged me, and still does, that any Christian can do a laundry list of transgressions and trespasses that add to Christ's back on Calvary, and say, "I have no regrets." William F. Buckley Jr., in one of his last TV interviews, was asked if he had any regrets, and the subsequent lack-of-comfort that emanated from his facial expression told the viewer that the answer was "yes." In his honesty, Buckley said, "Well, I'm not sure I'll tell you." He went on to say that he was disappointed in his early work upon reading it later in life, but that was as personal as he got.

William Bennett, author of The Book of Virtues, always commented on how Buckley was a great Catholic, and a "better Catholic than I [Bennett] am." Buckley may not have always been orthodox, but later in life he most certainly was...

STATION IDENTIFICATION - Anyone wanting evidence of this, get a copy of Buckley's Nearer, My God, published in 1997 - Back to the sporadically scheduled blog...

If such a strong Catholic as Buckley had regrets, what of the rest of us? How many of the Saints had regrets? Certainly Augustine, in writing Confessions, had regrets to speak of?

Yet, here my friends are (I must admit, in unison with me in my Kool-Aid-guzzling college years), quoting such wishful thinking as, "It is futile to regret. Regret gets you nowhere."

It strikes me as interesting that someone can have no regrets. We have all sinned and we all fall short of the glory of God. Catholics have the Sacrament of Confession for this very reason. Confession can be a powerfully healing thing, and how fitting, in that it gives us grace. Yet in order to go to Confession, one must regret. We Catholics must acknowledge that there are times we have fallen short, and we are truly sorry for these sins. If we have no regrets, then it follows that we probably are not frequenting confession enough, and have thus become blinded to our sins. The idea that the experience made us who we are...is the same as saying that all experiences are good as long as they are experienced. The result is a moral vacuum.

It should not be taken to mean that the Oklapologist demands us to dwell on our failures and times we have separated ourselves from God. We do need to acknowledge them, though, so that we may work out our salvation every day, even in fear and trembling, as Paul says in Phillipians 2:12. St. Theresa of Avila used to have visions of our Lord and Savior and would converse with Him on almost a daily basis. In her writings, she spoke of a particular time where she had serious regrets of a sin she had confessed. Christ appeared to her after the confession, and she told Him she thought He would not come that day.

"Why did you think that?"

"Lord, I thought you would be upset with the sin I confessed."

"What sin? I do not know what you're talking about."

Even our Lord forgives and forgets. He wants us to allow ourselves to be forgiven, too, and to avoid any occasions of sin in the near future. In order to accomplish all of those things, we have to start with regret. The enemy loves the idea of a Christian with no regrets, I think.

Even Elvis and Sinatra sang, "Regrets...I've had a few...but then again, too few to mention."

Sounds good for the new year. Let's just strive to do things God's Way.