One Great Car for One Great Country!

EPA administrator Lisa Jackson had a chat with National Public Radio's Michelle Norris about the future of Government Motors (GM). Jackson's comment leaves little to the imagination:

“The President has said, and I couldn’t agree more, that what this country needs is a one single national road map that tells automakers who are trying to become solvent again what kind of car it is they need to be designing and building for the American people.”

NPR's Norris then asked the EPA chief: “Is that the role of Government though? That doesn’t sound like free enterprise.”

Jackson responded: “Well it is free enterprise in a way.”

In what way?

I suppose when all the automakers eventually succumb to The One's incredible charm, they will no longer be enslaved to that maddening competition that has catered to that dangerous freedom of choice Americans have struggled with. With a single national road map outlining one type of car that we need, we will no longer be forced to shop around for the best buy for the best product, since all products will, by definition, be the best.

No need to waste money on advertising when you sell the same vehicle. In fact, the car companies can combine under the umbrella of Government Motors, thus eliminating lots of paperwork, management jobs, and excessive bonuses. With the EPA designing the car of the future, there is no need for a design team, engineers and marketing experts. With the Dept. of Labor on site there will no longer be a need for efficiency experts, quality control, or even time clocks!

With the bully pulpit of the presidency at GM's disposal and the Bureau of Commerce standing by, there will be no real need for dealerships for Americans can buy their new vehicles directly from the manufacturer -- the government -- thus eliminating the greedy middle men, those obnoxious and poorly dressed car salesmen and their mysterious "managers" who have to "approve" the deal. Everyone will be getting a deal!

In fact, I have it on good authority that once The One has achieved the Auto Singularity he envisions, each and every American family will be getting their very own Drive Shaft.